I confess I did not want to participate in the 2012 Crossfit Games. I told myself that my numbers wouldn’t be particularly interesting, or important, or meaningful to anyone in particular.
But there was another reason, which is that I held a secret grudge against all those stronger, faster, and younger people who were really going to do well. I was angry because I thought I wouldn’t be able to compete very well. I decided to ignore the fact that there is a masters division; I told myself that the real world didn’t make those distinctions, thus the masters division was phony. It aggravated me that there even is a masters division. I was smart enough to know these feelings were simple inferiority fears, so mostly I ignored them. I acknowledged them, but didn’t dwell on it.
But I still wasn’t going to participate. But deep down I really, really wanted to. Like a kid watching other kids playing baseball, who tells himself it wouldn’t be fun, but in reality wants to join the fun.
As it so happens Justin Riley at CFES likes to have as much event participation as possible, so he told us to sign up. He told us we were going to do the WOD anyway, we might as well get on the leaderboard, and in any case he would pester the daylights out of us until we signed up. So I signed up. I didn’t think I’d get anywhere, but I wanted to participate and Justin gave me the perfect excuse.
Last Saturday was week 3 of the workouts. First week was burpees, 2nd week snatches, and 3rd week a combination of box jumps, presses and toes-to-bars. The WODs are posted every Wednesday at 5 pm. It’s nerve wracking. Except for burpees and box jumps I was nearly totally unfamiliar with the movements. I had never done a snatch with any real weight, and I really didn’t understand the movement. I had never done toes-to-bar, and a 95# press is right on the edge of what I can do.
And that’s it, right there: the edge. If you’re not on the edge of your ability, you can’t improve. And yes I could do these workouts alone, but that nerve-racking stress, the noise, the chaos, the fear, is all part of the challenge. Managing the surges of adrenaline, all the hormones, all that emotion, is part of what must be done.
I won’t say I’m relaxed during the event, but I will say I plan out my approach to the work at hand, set some goals, figure out what pace I need to be at, and step up to the bar. 3-2-1 and go. Once it starts I’m fully engaged; I’m tense, but it’s getting to the point where it’s more about focus, and less about fear.
When all is said and done, failing is better then living with fear. My numbers are, as expected, near the bottom 15% (maybe lower). The masters division is full of great athletes. But for a few minutes every week I get do the emotional equivalent of a space walk. Right out there on the edge of my space.
Well that’s it for now. Thanks for stopping by and have a great day!
