Sometimes when I have too much time on my hands, I wonder how to describe life. What would I tell someone younger? Do I have any advice worth giving? Perhaps. Although I doubt if it’s unique. Of course the commonness of my life, the mundane qualities that I could relate to someone if they were interested, are a good thing. It means I have taken part in a life that can be shared. I am part of a great community of people.
I had a deadline for an assignment today. I was thinking about it last night. I felt a bit anxious, a little queasy. Unsettled. I came to the conclusion it was fear. And of course with fear comes resentment. And I had plans to work on Helen. 3x 400m run, 21 kettle bell swings, 12 pullups. The trick is to believe that discipline trumps inertia.
It is Sunday.
Fear is like standing in near the ocean in the evening. Behind me is a high cliff. The ocean is dark, with whitecaps. The waves are large. I know the water is deep, and unknowable. My task is to swim to the other side. I cannot avoid this, else the tide will come in and drown me, or a wave will sweep me out into the ocean anyway. I do not know how far I will need to swim, or what is in the water. I only know it is dark and I have to cross it. That is the essence of fear.
I decided that since I had not done as well as expected on Helen last time (13:25) that I would approach it differently. One round, as fast as possible, all out, then rest, and run again. Then kettlebell swings. I had a stopwatch. My ultimate goal is Helen in 10 minutes or less. Break it down into components, and give 100% for each part.
My first 400m run was 1:32, a personal best. The whole round took 3:27. Extending that out I should be able to do a 10 minute Helen. I gave myself a 3 minute rest. My second run was 1:43, a significant loss of performance. I could feel myself being slower. I gave myself another 3 minute rest. The next 21 kettle bell swings took 46 seconds. The 1:43 run and the 46 second kb swings bring me in at 2:39, leaving me 48 seconds to do 12 pullups and match my first round time. That seemed like something I could do.
The problem is not enough energy. Right now I don’t think I could maintain the pace. But at least I have an idea what I’m up against. A few more Sundays of sprints, kb swings and pullups. Keeping track of times. When I got home I had a hacking cough.